HarperCollins recently released a new print of Emily Brontë’s classic novel Wuthering Heights. This particular edition features on its cover the tagline “Love Never Dies…” and a seal reading “Bella & Edward’s Favourite Book.”
The blurb describes the book thusly:
One of the greatest love stories ever told, beautifully repackaged for a modern teen audience Love the Twilight books? Then you’ll adore Wuthering Heights, one of the greatest love stories ever told. Cathy and Heathcliff, childhood friends, are cruelly separated by class, fate and the actions of others. But uniting them is something even stronger: an all-consuming passion that sweeps away everything that comes between them. Even death!
You have to love how excited the people at HarperCollins are about the death bit right there. Man, are some people in for a surprise. If they’re looking for everlasting love of the sweet and schmoopy variety, that’s ten bucks poorly spent right there. And those who go in looking for a happy ending? Hoo boy. Cathy and Heathcliff were never the kind of lovers for eternal bliss and gazing into the sunset together. They were barely even likeable at their best. That’s not what made the book a classic. Now, if Twihards want stalking, brutal fights, emotional abuse and a love interest who’ll hang your cousin’s dog, then they’re looking in the right place.
Already Waterstone’s page for the book has two reviews asking if the book is in “old english or mordern understandable english” and one that whinges “I was really disappointed when reading this book, its made to believe to be one of the greatest love stories ever told and I found only five pages out of the whole book about there love and the rest filled with bitterness and pain and other peoples stories through out.”
Yeah, seriously, Emily Brontë, how dare you write about bitterness and pain in your starcrossed romance? And what’s all this stuff about other people? And Cathy’s, like, totally a bitch, oh my god. Heathcliff’s all broody, though, and that apparently goes a long, long way. Can you imagine the results of doing this to other classics, though? What about a copy of On the Road with a new cover for all those Sam and Dean girls out there? “OMFG, but they arent even brothers, so lame.”