I have had a dream ever since I started watching True Blood. This dream was borne of Eric’s smirks, the ease in which Bill is annoyed and Jessica’s petulance. This is a dream that I one day hope to become a reality, and I write this article as a plea to Alan Ball and the writers of True Blood.
True Blood: Eric and Bill’s Awesome Road Trip.
Let it sink in.
With I Love You, Man and Year One being released this year, the bromance is at its peak – so why not cash in? Eric and Bill have all the hallmarks of a true bromance: Eric constantly needles Bill, who is easily annoyed by Eric. Yet they’re constantly forced to spend time together, and might even have a slight bit of respect for each other. It’s the sort of kindling that sparks the fires of a bromance.
I’m seeing constant moaning about how tired people are of the maenad sub-plot, and once the vampires in Dallas plot is done, I believe this is the one thing that will make any True Blood viewer happy and rejuvenate the show. Stick three vampires in a car (why they’re driving, where they’re going, these are unimportant questions) on a road trip and ta-da: you’ve got gold.
Now, for your reading pleasure, what we at PCR believe could be done with a real Eric & Bill vampire bromance/road trip picture. I call it:
INT. A VOLVO – MIDNIGHT
BILL drives, hands at the ten and two o’clock positions on the steering wheel. He never goes over the speed limit (and drives five below when it rains) to the exasperation of his car mates. ERIC is in the passenger seat. No explanation for why they’re in the car together, just go with it.
Take the next left.
I read the map, Eric.
Eric reaches for the stereo, but Bill’s hand vampire-speeds and grips Eric’s wrist, stopping him from changing the station from whatever weird throat singing music he’s got on.
Driver picks the music.
Close up on Bill’s face. There’s a thump off screen, and he jerks as if his seat’s been kicked. His lip curls.
INT. A VOLVO’S BACK SEAT
JESSICA is stretched out across the back seat.
Are we there yet?
Jessica huffs and takes a sip from the bottle of True Blood she’s holding, finishing it off. She sits up and scoots over to a window, rolling it down far enough to toss the bottle out. The car immediately comes to a screeching halt, and Jessica’s reflexes stop her face from meeting the back of Eric’s seat. Bill’s speaking before she can protest.
We recycle in this car. Do not toss your litter on the highway like common trash.
He vampire-speeds out of the car, and Eric takes the chance to change the station. When the strains of whatever weird Swedish music he’s put on float into the car, Jessica whimpers and falls back onto the seat.
EXT. A VOLVO
A SUV speeds by, unidentifiable hip-hop thumping into the night. There’s a laugh as someone tosses a bag out of the car. Bill vampire-speeds back to the Volvo, stopping in front of the bag. He picks it up, then vampire-speeds away again.
INT. A SUV
Four twenty-somethings are having a good night, laughing and talking over music blaring from the stereo. Suddenly, the girl in the passenger seat screams, pointing out at the road. The driver, who’s been looking down at the stereo to change the station, looks up, and he curses as he hits the brakes. Everyone screams.
EXT. A SUV
Bill stands in the middle of the road in front of the halted SUV, looking ghastly in the headlights. He shakes his head disapprovingly and holds a hand up. In it is a crumpled McDonald’s bag, obviously the one he picked up off the road in front of the Volvo.
I believe you dropped this.
INT. A SUV
All four kids give him a disbelieving look.